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I wrote this for the Bold Italic, for whom I had a short-lived freelance writing career.

They wanted something honest about being my size and dating in Los Angeles.

When they folded, it was returned to me to do as I wish.

And then I suddenly found myself afraid to publish it so it's been in a folder for a few months.

I don't know why, but I finally felt like sharing it.

Finding love is always challenging, but it’s especially hard in a city with tunnel-vision-like focus on appearance for someone who doesn’t match the high standards set for beauty in Los Angeles.

LA is the national headquarters for the super-fit and the stunningly beautiful.

I have never been “the norm.” I have been overweight all my adult life (see also heavy, curvy, voluptuous, fat, “BBW” — whatever term you want to use).

Being a single, overweight woman in Los Angeles, I learned early on that my dating life will never be normal.

Not just because men (and women) treat you differently or because single women can be competitive, but because I am my own worst enemy.

I impose the most rules, restrictions, and justifications in my life.

As the chief lawmaker of my own village, I abide by a somewhat irrational code of conduct.

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